If the you that you were 5 years ago got a glimpse of the you that you are today, would you still make the same decisions that you made along the way of those 5 years?
This is the question I have been asking myself over the last week or so. If I could go back and redo this motherhood thing, would I? Would I really?
I mean lets face it. My body is ruined. I own exactly 4 things that fit and even those 4 things look bad on me. Diet and exercise. Diet.and.exercise. That's what people say. Watch what you eat and go for a run. Totally undoable at this point. What do I do with a 3 year old, 2 two year olds and an infant, while I go for a nice relaxing jog? Join a gym, get a baby sitter, get up before the kids get up. All great ideas in theory. But I am just. to. tired. So tired. Physically tired. Mentally tired. Tired.
My house is a wreck. I clean and clean and then I clean some more. All I am really doing is moving piles of all the junk we own around the house. 75% of the worlds population doesn't have enough and I am complaining about having too much! Ridiculous. Just ridiculous!
Not to mention this mothering thing is hard. Like, really, really hard. I want to have good kids, kind kids; kids that grow up and become good adults, kind adults. But then I yell because the 3 year old wont go to bed. Or the 2 year old (one of them or both of them) is throwing a fit for some reason or another. And then I wonder if I am even doing it right at all. So many decisions to make that shape who they become- and I constantly feel like I am messing it up. That I am messing them up.
That's what no one tells you before you become a mom. 24-7. Or maybe they do tell you, but you don't listen, and if you do listen then you have no idea what 24-7 really means. Not until that baby is here in your arms anyway. After you become a mom, after all the hard work is done of growing that baby and getting that baby out into the world, it never ends. Never ends. Sure, you can go to work if you are a working mom, you can run to the store or go on date night or girls night, but its not really a brake- because your heart is no longer yours, it belongs to those precious people who call you 'mama.'
Would I do it all again? If I could go back and change it would I?
I have thought about it long and hard (not that it makes a difference really). And if you catch me on a really, really bad day the answer would be, "No I would not do it again!" But those days are few and far between. Most days I look at my sad saggy skin, the roots in my hair that are so long they no longer look like roots, my messy house and these crazy precious people and I think, "This is it! This is my purpose in life!"
To love my husband and train our kids to know and love the Lord. I can change the world just by doing those two things! Nothing has matured me more then being a wife and mom. Nothing has grown me more as a person and in my faith then these two things!
I encourage you today sweet ladies to stay focused and keep your eye on the ball. Being a wife and mom is hard but oh so rewarding! Just think about the way that new baby smells, or the first smile or the unsolicited 'I love you mom.' You do not need to go on an over seas mission or start a charity to change the world, you can do it right in your living room! Love your husband and train your kids to know and love the Lord! Wold changed for the better, done!