In This House We Will Love
With Our Words,
Our Hands & Our Hearts.
I have a passion for motherhood, for wify-hood and for new moms who are in the same boat as me (tired). Being a wife and mom is amazing and hard. I need support. We all do. A speaker I heard at MOPS once said, 'if you want someone to bring you a meal, then cook up some meals and take them to others.' In other words, if you want a friend, you gotta be a friend! Recently, I have been convicted that I have never been such a good friend.
I am emotional and sensitive and insecure (not a good combo). I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I am feeling down or uncomfortable in a situation, I can not fake it. I talk too much, or not at all. I avoid eye contact. I get weird. Worse, if I am feeling insecure, I get mean. It's not my intention to be mean- but I am. I have had more then one person tell me that I have made them uncomfortable or that they get the feeling that I don't like them. Ouch. I hate that I give off that feeling!
I have recently had a few interactions that have made me realize that if I want to impact any ones lives for the better (especially my little family), then I better change the way I act and the words I use. Words are powerful. Have you heard the song Words by Hawk Nelson? You can listen to it here. This song stops me in my tracks every time I hear it. I think partly because it's a good catchy toon and mostly because it is something my poor sinful heart needs to hear.
"Words can build you up, words can tear you down,
start a fire in your heart or put it out.
Let my words be life, let my words be truth.
I don't want to say a word unless it points the world back to You."
I can not point the people in my life to Jesus if the words that I am using points them away from Him. I can not make and keep friends if I gossip- how ever unintentional it may be. I can not be a creditable Jesus follower if I am not actually following what He says. I can not say one thing, act out something else and expect people to trust to me.
Words. They are powerful.
Once they leave your mouth, you can not take them back. You can apologize, but you can not erase them. They are forever said and forever heard.
I had a friend in collage, who could have become an amazing friend. One who I probably could still be friends with 10+ years later. But, because of the words I said and the actions I took, we no longer speak. We had lots in common and lots of fun. But, then I realized how pretty she was. We would drive in the car and she would sing and I would think, 'she has a better voice then me.' (how silly is that?!) We would ride our horses together and I would notice how calm she was and how natural she seemed. I started to get insecure around her. I started to think that maybe she thought less of me too. Instead on realizing what I was doing- losing the evil battle to comparison. I got weird. We are no longer friends. She has been on my mind these last few days, so I found her on facebook and sent her a message. I told her that I thought she was amazing and that I was sorry that my insecurities got in the way of our friendship. She did not respond. And that is ok. I didn't do it for a response, I did it because it needed to be said. I needed to say I was sorry (although I should have done it 10 years ago). Words are powerful even if they are said much later then they should have been said.
I vow to be a better friend. I vow to work on my insecurities and to try my hardest to not get weird. I vow to do my best to not lose to the evil, no good comparison game (the only game where everyone loses!!). I vow to love with my words, my hands and my heart. I vow to teach my children the importance of loving others in these three ways: words, actions and emotions. I pray that my children will get it far before they are 31 years old! I pray that they use their words to build people up, to start a fire in their hearts. I pray that the people that I have hurt with my words can forgive me.