Thursday, January 23, 2014

Just Let Her Be Two.

"MOMMY! Open your eyes. We want to get up."

Ugh. Is it morning already?
I feel like I just laid down to go to sleep.

Kid #3 from the other room:
"Mom I peed in my diaper!!! Come get meeees out."

Kid #2 from the same room as kid #3:
"Mom, come get me out of mys crib. I want my football."
Pull yourself together. Get up and get started. Besides, at least the baby isn't crying.....
I hate mornings. I hate morning's not so much because it's morning, but because it takes time to get in the swing of things. I have so much to do for 4 little people and they seem to all need me at the same time.
Change the older kids, change the baby, let the dog out, make breakfast (don't eat the bagel. It's all carbs and carbs make you fat. Don't Eat It! Great. Now you just ruined your whole day!), clean up dishes from the night before that I forgot  was to tired to wash up.....
On this particular morning sweet girl twin work up quite whiney. She didn't want to wear that shirt.
"Just put it on! It's just cloths! Wear it!!!!"
She didn't want to walk down the stairs.
"You are a big girl, I am not carrying you!!!"

She didn't want to eat that breakfast.

"I'm not making you special food. Eat it or don't eat."
All said with to loud a tone,
too many explanation points
and not a bit of love.
"STOP WHINING! I do not what to hear it!"
I do not know how many times in that 20 minute span I told her to quit whining. I didn't want to hear it. By the time I finally decided to get on her level and actually ask her what was wrong, she didn't want to talk to me. Imagine that.
"Fine. I tried, if you don't want to tell me what's wrong then stop whining."
It's then that I heard the Lord lovingly say,
"She's two. You spent the last 20 minutes telling her to be quiet. Just let her be two."
Oh, so I am just suppose to let her whine all day Lord. Great.
We were headed to the gym and running late. I was putting shoes on everyone and she was still whining. Then it hit me. Just let her be two.
"Come here baby."
Sweet little girl climbed in my lap while I was sitting on the cold floor. With one shoe off and one shoe on we sat. Her head snuggled up to my neck so that I could feel the soft wisps of her hair on my face. Her body so close to mine, I could smell her sweet, still innocent skin. Just let her be two. We sat, I asked if she was ok. She nodded. I told her I was sorry. She nodded. I rocked her tiny little body and told her I loved her. She nodded. We sat and I let her be two. When I asked if she was ready to go, she nodded. She hoped out of my lap and jumped into the car, smile on her face.
Just let her be two.
What if I had done the holding and the rocking and the loving, before doing the breakfast and the dishes and the yelling? What if I had just let her be two from the start?
Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Thankful for the quick forgiveness from my two year old and my Lord. Thankful for a lesson learned, spoken to me in love, when I was not demonstrating love. Thankful that I get to let her be two for a half a year more! 

Friday, January 3, 2014

2014 Goals

2014 is here!
Time to set some goals & make them clear!
I have set goals for myself in these different areas: Friends, Family, Home, Spiritual and Self.
I want to create more authentic friendships, not just the quick message on Facebook.
To accomplish this I will:
A) Send a hand written not to at least one of my friends each month. I love writing out cute cards and who doesn't love getting mail?! I have already sent out my first note. Watch your mail box, you could be next!!
B) I also will try to break out of my staying-at-home-is-easier-then-going-out self a bit more. I tend to shy away from 'play dates' and 'girls nights out'. It takes a lot to get 4 kids, all four years old and younger, out of the house. But, there is nothing like being able to have a little interaction with another human....I mean adult. haha
This year I want to capture the hearts of my husband and my kids.
To accomplish this I will:
A) Say "NO" to commitments that take time away from them and also that put stress on me (in return causing me to lose it with the people I love the most!)
B) PUT DOWN THE PHONE!!! I have a new no Facebook/blogging/phone rule during "working" hours; Meaning if the kids are up, the phone is down! Instead of holding the phone, I want to hold my husbands hand. Instead of looking at a screen, I want to look into the sweet, precious faces of my little ones.
C) Making time for my hubby. So often I fall into to bed exhausted at the end of the day. I am going to make a little time for him before I go to bed. During this crazy stage of life, so often it's the "squeaky wheel gets the oil" mentality. Because my husband is the best man that ever lived (really!) he gets very little oil because he does very little squeaking!
It's where the heart is! 
I have so many projects I want to do. I am going to try to do one project every other month. But I am not putting pressure on my self to get them done. If life takes over and we get to busy- I am not going to stress about it.
The top project on my list is to get the family pictures in order. I have so many cute pictures of all these kids just lying around the house. I am going to get some photo albums and get them put away!!
One is never stagnant in their walk with God. We are either walking away from Him or closer to Him. I choose closer!
I think that getting a few quiet moments reading the Word of God is so important. But, I often find myself squandering those few precious moments trying to figure out where to read.
I will:
A) Read the entire New Testament in a year. My mother-in-love has a schedule she has used in the past that is easy. It's just a few passages each day. Super easy to get in while I am nursing the baby or waiting for the bacon to finish cooking. It has been fun to compare notes these last few days with her. It's amazing how the Word can speak differently to people.
I love serving my family. In fact I believe it is what God put me on this earth for; to serve these 5 amazing people. I tend to forget about myself. This year I want to find balance in serving my family and taking care of myself. This in no way means I am going to do less in serving them, just that I want to be more carful to take care of myself.
I will:
A) Continue running 2-3 times a week. I have signed up to run a half marathon at the end of March. I have been training with a friend running and pushing myself more then I thought I ever would. I still get some anxiety when I leave all the kids at home to go run for a few hours, but I enjoy the time with my girlfriend. Plus, I have an amazing mom that is always willing to come and let me run while she watches the kids. I will take her up on this more often!
B) Let my hair down. Literally. I wear it up all the time. I feel prettier when its down. I will take the two minutes it take to let it down and have it look nice.
C) Shower. I tend to only shower after I work out. The other days some how get away from me and then it's a 'should I go to bed or shower' battle. The bed usually wins. I am going to shower and get dressed each day (or, lets be real, most days).
D) Speak only love. That negative self talk, I am going to stop it. Stop It! I am going to try to take my thoughts captive and speak only love to myself. No more, I'm too fat talk. No more, I'm not good enough talk. No more, I'm a bad mom talk.  If I wouldn't say it to a friend- I shouldn't be saying it to myself!
Alright 2014. Ready, set GO!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The 'M' That Started It All

We had a wild and crazy December- and not so much in a good way. But, the one wonderful thing that did  happen was our oldest turned 4!
                                                 Here she is, just a day old!
Baby was due to arrive on December 15 2009. I asked my husband if he wanted to keep the baby's gender a surprise since it was close to Christmas. What a fun sweet gift, I was thinking! He responded with, "There is NO way you can go 9 months without knowing." In my true stubborn fashion, I responded with "Watch me!"  And so, due to the challenge put before me, no one knew the gender of the baby until she arrived.
She measured big and 3 weeks ahead of schedule almost the whole pregnancy. My Ob gave me a choice, induce a week early or have a scheduled section at 40 weeks. I asked to be induced. I wanted to so badly to have a natural birth. No meds, no epidural.
I went into start the induction and everything was great at first. I dilated to 3 cm almost immediately. But then here was no more dilation. We broke my water to speed things along, but that didn't help either. Then the Pitocin that they had me on kept creating stronger and stronger contractions. I was in a lot of pain. My hubby sent in a few nurses to talk me into the epidural. I was reluctant- this was not how I wanted the birth to go at all! I did get the epidural, and then slept for 3 hours. (Little did I know it would be the last bit of sleep I would get for a while.)
My OB came in and said that we needed to do a section. I still wasn't dilating and now the baby's heart rate was dropping. I cried. After my OB left I asked the nurse if it was bad, she said, "No. I'm not sure why she wants to do the section."
During the surgery I was thinking about that nurses comment and wondering if I made a wrong choice. Then my OB yelled, "The cord is around the neck! Get the cord, get the cord."  Soon after that she announce "It's a girl! And she's huge!" Our sweet girl was here. She was 8.14 lbs. and 22 inches.
I told my hubby, "I'm sorry. I know you wanted a boy."
"Don't be sorry, she's beautiful!" I had never, in all our time together as a couple seen him so excited!
She was born during the Swine flu epidemic. There was a restriction on visitors to the hospital during this time. Anyone who didn't need to be there could not come visit. My mom and dad got to meet her because they were employees (thank goodness!!)  but none of my friend or family could come. For the first few days I was lonely and scared. I had never been a mom before. Was I doing it right? I was in pain, insecure and alone. (hubby needed to work). Thankfully they did lift the ban for a few hours a few days into my stay so my in laws came to see us briefly.
Although her birth didn't go the way I wanted, right down to her gender, God provided and protected in many ways.
He knew she was just the start. He knew that before her 4th birthday she would be a big sister 3 times over. What an amazing help she has been to her little siblings. She would get diapers and wipes. She helps by entertaining the younger ones so that I can get dinner ready. She is mature and smart and a true blessing!
He also provided by having her delivered by C-section. I have always felt bad that I didn't get to deliver naturally. I wanted that experience of holding my little one the minute she came into this world. I always kind of wished I had some how done it differently. Then when I became pregnant with twins, I would have to have another section. That was God's protection. Our little girl twin had the cord around her neck as well. The assistant said it was so tight that I was "lucky I didn't go into labor." Yikes!
Then, when I was trying for a VBAC with our fourth child, I needed to get the birth records of the last two deliveries. When I looked through those, I saw that not only was the cord around our oldest child neck, but it was so tight that they had to cut it just to get her out. Wow. I had, for years, been sad about having to have C-sections and now I realized that it was a blessing and God's protection over our family! It's amazing how He is always working, even if we don't see it!
                                             An Arial birthday party for my little princess.
This year I started a birthday questionnaire. I will ask her (and all the kids) the same questions each year to see how they change.
1.Favorite color? Purple
2 Favorite toy? Princess Barbie doll
3.Favorite fruit? Strawberries
4. Favorite TV show? Little Bear
5. Favorite thing to eat for lunch? Heart shaped sandwiches (I use a cookie cutter)
6. Favorite outfit? Sleeping beauty dress
7. Favorite game? Hid and go seek
8. Favorite snack? cake
9. Favorite animal? Giraffe
10. favorite song? Mary had a little lamb
11. favorite book? sleeping beauty and Arial
12. Who is your best friend? Mrs. Megan
13. Favorite cereal? Milk and cheerios
14. Favorite thing to do outside? Swing and slide
15. Favorite drink? Hot chocolate
16. Favorite holiday? Halloween, because we get lots and lots of treats.
17. What do you like to take to bed with you? Blankie
18. Favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon
19. favorite thing to eat for dinner? chicken nuggets
20. what do you want to be when you grow up? A princess