This past weekend our sweet 2.5 year old girl stayed in 'big church' with us. It was fun singing with her. She asked about the worship leader and what her name was. She even said she looked like a princess on stage. But other then that little bit of church I can not remember what was said during the service. I could not tell you what our pastor preached about. I was so consumed with the conversation I was having with the Lord. And boy, was it humbling!
As I sat between my amazing husband and one of the sweetest girls I know, I thought,
"Wow Lord. I am doing pretty good! Of course, I sin like everyone else, but I am in a really great place. No 'super' sin in my heart."
"Oh really? None at all?"
"Nope. We come to church and tithe regularly. I try to talk daily about your Son to our kids."
"That's great. Still no sin though?"
"Nope. Not me. I mean look at my family. I love my husband and children deeply, just as You have called me to. I serve them without complaining, most days at least."
"Hum. Ok. So no sin there?"
"I mean, not really. We don't do drugs, we rarely drink any alcohol. I don't cheat on my husband. I don't lust after any other man, just like your word says. I am not addicted to anything....."
"Ok. What else?"
"Well, I certainly don't go around murdering anyone. I don't covet what my neighbor has. I am content in our little old house. I love being home with and for my family. I try to do nice things for the people in my life without them knowing- that way You get the credit. I love everyone, justs like you have told me to."
"Really? You love everyone?"
"Uh, well, sure. I mean, I don't agree with some peoples choices or their life style, but they are always welcome in our home. I have made mistakes in the past and I felt the need to cut ties with some people, but that wasn't because I didn't love them, just I didn't really have room for the drama in my life. If they really needed me I would be there for them."
"So you love everyone?"
"Yes. I have hurt people in the past by not loving them the way You expected me to, but I have grown so much in the last few years. You know I have. I love!"
"What did you tell yourself when you looked in the mirror this morning?"
"What did you say today while getting ready for church?
What do you say to yourself every morning?"
"Ummmm.....I told myself I was too fat......That I look ugly in all my cloths."
"And I said that I was a disappointment because I don't look like I did before I had kids, that I am not attractive because I don't fit in my wedding dress."
"And that I hate my hair and my freckles."
"The hair I picked out for you?
The freckles that I perfectly placed on your face?"
"So tell me. Do you love everyone?"
That night while sitting with my husband after the kids have gone to bed I said the normal things I always say.
"I shouldn't have eaten that dinner. I will never be skinny if I keep eating." Or "I am sorry you got stuck with such a blob of a wife." Or "I am so ugly. Look at me, my belly is so big and my legs are so skinny, I look like an apple on tooth picks."
Normally, I say these things without even thinking twice. But since that church service, every time I think these things I get a little twinge in my heart.
Society says that as my weight increased, my worth decreased.
Society says that because I don't make a paycheck, I am not worth anything.
Society says that my worth is found in my looks, the size of my cloths, how beautiful my hair is. My worth is found in how many friends I have or how many activities I am involved in.
Society says that the prettier I am, the more worthy I am of love.
God says none of that is true.
God says that I am loved whether this world thinks I am pretty or not.
God says he loves me in a size 2 or a size 22.
God says my worth is found in him.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
-1 Peter 3:3-4
Everyone knows that we celebrate Valentines day in February. That it's the month of love! Well, I have decided to make February a moth of loving myself. For the rest of this month, I will not say demeaning things about myself to my husband. Because old habits are hard to break, if I do say these things, I will apologise. I will speak truth in place of the lies.
The Bible tells us that the Devil is the father of lies. That he is prowling around looking for someone to devour. The Bible tells us to be careful with the things we say and the thoughts we have as to not give the Devil a foot hold in our lives. When saying demeaning things about ourselves we are allowing the Devil control in our lives. That constant chatter in our heads about how we are not worthy because of how we look, or what we weigh, or what we haven't accomplished, takes our thoughts off of the Lord and all he has done for us. We are not thinking about all that we are thankful for.
I want to be a women of love. I want to live a life of thankfulness. I can not do this if I am constantly telling myself I am worthless.
I am worthy because God loves me.
I am loved.
I am worthy of Love.
And you are too.