Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I called her over to me. She hopped,
                                                       hopped,
                                                                  hopped
                                                                            over to my open arms- the girl rarely walks anywhere these days. I got down on her level and took her little face in my hands and whispered in her ear so that no one else in the room could hear. I said, "Good job baby. Mommy is so proud of you. I asked you to pick up these crayons and you did without complaining or arguing. I am so proud of you!" She didn't seem fazed- just hopped herself away.

In that moment I wondered.

I wondered what God will say to me at the end of my life. Will he take my face in his hands and whisper, "Good job my child. I asked you to love and care for these children and you did! You did it without complaining or arguing! I am so proud of you." Sadly, I don't think he will. The truth is I complain and I argue.

I say things like, "How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?!"
And in my heart I hear his voice, "How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?"

I say things like, "You just asked me for seconds and now you are full? How can you change your mind that quick?!"
And in my heart I hear his voice, "Remember that thing you wanted so bad? You prayed and prayed and prayed about it and I gave it to you? Now you aren't sure if you want it!"

I say things like, "You just asked me 3 question is a row and you haven't even let me answer the first. Stop talking and listen."
And in my heart I hear his voice, "You talk to me all day long and some days never stop to listen to anything I have to say. I never ask you to stop talking."

Truth is, this happens a lot. All day long I say something to these precious people and I'll hear his voice. "Don't expect so much from them, they are children, you are an adult and I still have the same trouble with you." 

Truth is, I am still learning the same lessons I am trying to teach my children. 

Truth is, I'm not much different from my children. They want to know the plan.I say, "Just trust me sweet girl. I'll do whats best for you." Then, the next time I am on my face in prayer- "God what is your plan?" I hear my words but his voice, "Just trust me sweet girl. I know the plan and I will do whats best for you."

I was recently given a sweet card with a quote from James Baldwin. "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." Lord, let me both listen to you and imitate you.

Let me be something worth imitating for my children.

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